A new follower on Twitter intrigues me. I’m a discerning Twitter follower. Just because you follow me, doesn’t mean I’ll follow you back. The last thing I need is my Twitter feed clogged up with a bunch of 140-character musings on things I don’t care about. I don’t follow mommy bloggers or anyone who posts weight loss tips. I don’t follow people who post pics of dead animals they are about to eat. I don’t follow eBook or webinar peddlers, or anyone who uses block caps for more than one word. This new follower meets my bottom line criteria. He’s a photographer who posts bucolic photos of Syria. And he’s very, very handsome.
I stare at his profile picture: two-day stubble (love!), full head of dark wavy hair, graying around the temples (love, love!), dark brown, almond-shaped eyes, a regal nose. I’m smitten. I’m tempted to pull his pic off his profile and post it here. But that would be crossing the line.
I notice he tweets thanks to followers who retweet his tweets. I stalk his Twitter feed daily, waiting for a tweet I can retweet. But he’s a random tweeter, goes days without posting anything new. I’ve favorited one of his tweets, which means I can’t retweet it—I don’t want to seem desperate. While I wait for my opportunity to catch his attention, I consider changing my profile photo to a younger, Photoshopped version of me.
He lives in Boston. There’s a flying trapeze school in Boston. This summer, I will be vacationing on Cape Cod, which is sort of close to Boston. I imagine meeting him in person. I’ve decided he’s in his late 40s, divorced, no children. He drives a fuel-efficient SUV to haul around his photography equipment, but prefers taking public transportation. He loves dogs, moonlit hikes, and playing Scrabble. Machu Pichu, Patagonia, and Kilimanjaro are on his Must-Go list. He’s been thinking seriously about becoming a vegan. He’s perfect for me!
I scour websites for photography related info I can tweet, but this grows tiresome. Right now, I have enough work for three people. Plus, I’m writing a novel. The last thing I need is the distraction of a relationship. Though unrequited, my crush was fun while it lasted. Besides, I have a new connection on LinkedIn who intrigues me.
A whole new category: Twitter Stars…replacing Movie stars. It’s a new world.
Fantastic post. Perfectly written. I think you need to submit it to the NY Times – they have a section on love vignettes. This is absolutely perfect. I love it!
Erin, you made my day. One of my friends read this piece and said it sounded angry. I was so bummed. I think it’s the funniest thing I’ve written. Thank you for posting this comment. Love, Lynn
Sophisticated humor requires a higher-than-average intelligence. Otherwise, the person cannot grasp the subtleties, innuendos, and brilliant, dry-wit delivery of a piece like yours. That’s why SNL hires all their writers from Harvard et al. You’re that caliber, Lynn. Write on.
Very entertaining, Lynn!
I love this post, including the narcissism graphic. I had never thought of people having a Twitter crush, but now I want my own!